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December 25 先把昨天自习时的一些感觉写下来
想起熊奕师兄的一些事情，恩
每次因为那些破烂的丢人的事情去求他，给他发短信，他总要回复到我stop为止。
还有kevin,和桂斌，还有李阳，周姐姐，给他们发短信时总是特别踏实。
就算一天都没有得到回复，我也固执地相信一定是还没有看到。
点点滴滴的事情，看出一种品格
这件事可能不必看重的，但我想自己还是应该再做的好一些，有修养包含在里面。
朋友发来祝福的时候，是否说了感谢
同学送来通知的时候，是否说了收到
无论是不是喜欢的人，有些起码的礼貌，终究要做到。
齐师说的对，只有真正优秀的人，才能平视所有人。
回复每一条善意的短信，是修养：）
深夜给kevin, victor,beatrice都发了短信，要他们１０点打电话来叫我起床
一个就够了，可每次都怕，尤其是今天，考试。
结果是，kevin打了三个过来，我迷迷糊糊地按掉了
结果，宿舍电话响了．．．．．．
慢慢爬下床，心里知道是他，说了声抱歉，听见话筒里传来他暗笑的声音：
你终于醒了．．．．．．
beatrice当时已经在图书馆了
因为我把手机关掉了，她不得不给我宿舍打来了电话
怒气冲冲的：你要我叫你起床，然后还关机．．．．．．
自知理亏，不出声了。
１０点半，victor的短信到了，大概也是受了我关机的刺激。
“大晕，起床了．．．．．．"
小小的得意一下，交的朋友还都是负责任的。
因为他们，我觉得不寂寞
可是，今天的微积分考试还是受到了刺激。
唉，复习的终究没有白费，没复习的还是遭到了报应．．．．．．
这个，是必然要挂掉了．．．．．．重修么，不知道
经济双学位．．．．．．
唉
列一张纸，左面是坚持的理由，右面是放弃的理由
左面写了好多，右面却只一条，就让我把纸撕碎了，因为没有再犹豫的必要。
心里也骤然很痛
妈妈希望你能坚持，自己的选择，不要轻言放弃。
December 22 是谁说，前生五百次的回眸
换得今世的擦身而过
那我愿以今世五百次的生生死死
求取来生与你相濡以沫......
如果人生注定孤独终老
我会静静等待，平和至死
如果这注定之中，还有那么一丝可改变
那我愿为这么一丝不定，拼搏至死
爱放翁的那句
零落成泥碾作尘， 只有香如故
觉得那是对自己名字的最好诠释...... schedule for next few days:
caculus Dec 25th
Principles of economic Dec 26th
music Dec 28th
listening Dec 29th
APEC Dec 29th
Maxism Jan 3rd
intensive reading Jan 10th
宝剑锋从磨砺出
梅花香自苦寒来
特别喜欢这句话
因为有我和爷爷的名字在里面
December 21 So some friends began to visit here.
It is a good sign because I could finally own a chance, to show the inner of me.
But , I think this area has lost its secrecy.
So, what the hell do I want?
Let everyone know what I am really thinking about or just keep them in my deep heart......
A secret makes a woman woman, says Al Pacino maybe.
Today I began to realize something.
First, many of the GPA rich men quite value their time, like Winnie Cui, and Ma Lihong, and unlike me.
Second, sister Hui called today informing me the intership in that biggest Law Office, and she supplemented, there would be lot of juice and snacks for free......
I asked her quite humiliatingly, would Napoleon be included?
What shame on me......
So less than a month I will be a white collar, or a office lady as you like.
The urgent thing seems to lose weight......
Concerning oral English and others, I feel confident.What made me feel awful is the precious time which I could spend with my beloved families will be shortened.
Enterprise and private happiness never comes hand in hand, everyone has to abandon something.
So do you want to gain both? then work hard , and be much more fortitude.
When Spritetan asked Zhu Jie to take his position, she hesitate, coz the thinking of ruining the work in public relation department made her very nervous.
what called back the memory of mine when Li Xuan gave HR to me. what I was worrying was my own work.
at least two conclusions can be made: first, I am not modest, second, Lixuan is not a good officer.
when I implied my intented that handing him HR department to Zhangling, his reaction was just like mine......
the same things happen , what proved that I myself was not a good dean either.
today lixiang told me that zhangling prepared a birthday card for our birthday member, zhangsiwei, by the name of our department.
and lixiang commented, what a nice and careful boy he is!
I could do nothing but sigh.
Could I? maybe not, I am not the one with strong sense of responsibility.
December 17 No matter whether love starts from coincidence, or accumulation.
When we are together, I can feel he is my Mr.Right.
No matter who says love first.
The eye communication could express everything.
He is the right man I'm looking for.
And I'm the very person who to him is forever reliable.
I desire warmth of being together, as well as the freedom of being solitude.
There should be a room for each other.
I hope I can stand before my own audience, by my own name.
And I can also stand behind him, just smile.
To know each other is right there, that's enough.
I believe in trusting, completely and unconditional trusting.
Gossip or critic is mere gust of wnd.
What I want, are two seperate circles, with a sweet common place.
When I feel painful, he's there with his shoulder.
But what more important, is I could stand up by myself when he isn't there.
Sure, with his shoulder, I'm warmer.
I don't need so many good comments on him made by others.
But " He is a nice guy."
That's enough.
In my eyes, he is my prince.
Because I am his princess.
I am willingly to wait for him.
Even if he won't come forever.
I'd like to cook a cup of tea, for myself.
I'd like to ride a bicycle, across the busy roads.
I am willingly to wait for him.
Because maybe he would show up tomorrow.
I believe, the one who embraces a really brave and warm heart, deserves the true love.
I do my best, god the rest.
December 11
Justice catches up with Gotovina
Dec 8th 2005
From The Economist Global Agenda
One of the world’s most wanted war-crimes suspects, Ante Gotovina, has been arrested and will join Slobodan Milosevic and others in the dock at a UN tribunal in The Hague. But two other “big fish” wanted over atrocities during the 1990s Balkan conflicts are still at large
Milosevic and Gotovina in custody; Mladic and Karadzic still at large
IT HAS taken years for justice to arrive for the many victims of the wars that followed Yugoslavia’s break-up in the early 1990s. But the United Nations’ war-crimes tribunal for the Balkans, set up in 1993, has now rounded up almost all of the 161 people it has indicted—most notably, Slobodan Milosevic, the former Yugoslav president now being tried at the tribunal, in The Hague. And on Thursday December 8th, the court’s tenacious chief prosecutor, Carla Del Ponte, announced the arrest of one of the remaining three “big fish” still at large: Ante Gotovina, a former Croatian general who is accused, among other things, of responsibility for the massacre of 150 Serbs.
Mr Gotovina had been on the run since his indictment in 2001. He was arrested on Wednesday on the Spanish island of Tenerife and is now being held by the Spanish authorities in Madrid, awaiting proceedings to bring him before the UN tribunal.
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Croatia’s efforts to join the European Union have until now been hampered by the failure to arrest Mr Gotovina, despite its protestations that it knew nothing of his whereabouts. Many Croatians still regard the general as a war hero, not a war criminal, though a senior Croatian official said he was “extremely happy” to hear the news of the general’s arrest, since it will free his government of a problem that has dogged its foreign relations for years. Britain, which holds the EU presidency, said his capture would help speed Croatia’s entry into the Union.
Mr Gotovina, a former French foreign legionary, fought in both the Croatian and Bosnian wars of the early 1990s. But it was his part in the final stages of the war in Croatia that attracted attention from war-crimes investigators. In August 1995 he was in overall command of troops who retook the main part of the breakaway “Republic of Serbian Krajina”. The local Serbs, with a lot of help from Serbia and their Bosnian Serb neighbours, had prised this land away from Croatian control in 1991.
Mr Gotovina’s men took only a few days to crush what little Serb resistance there was. In the aftermath of the attack, almost all the region’s population, of up to 200,000, fled. But in the following weeks, hundreds of mainly elderly Serbs who had stayed behind were murdered, and thousands of buildings were torched and destroyed.
If the general had been arrested soon after his indictment on seven counts of war crimes, then that would, more or less, have been the end of the story. However, protected by elements of the Croatian security services, the general disappeared. In March of this year the EU, disbelieving the government’s claims that it was doing everything to track him down, blocked the country’s progress towards membership. But in late September things began to move: the Croatians (who might have had some American help) passed on a lead to the tribunal, which suggested the general was in Spain.
The timing of this tip was fortunate in the extreme. A few days later, on October 3rd, EU leaders were to meet in Luxembourg, to discuss (among other things) whether to start membership talks with Croatia. In the hours leading up to the meeting, Ms Del Ponte suddenly told the EU leaders that the Balkan country was now “co-operating fully” with her. This prompted them to agree to open the membership talks, though they made it clear to the Croats that their progress would depend on their continuing to co-operate and Mr Gotovina eventually being arrested.
At the time, there were suspicions that political pressure had pushed Ms Del Ponte into making her statement, since a split among EU governments over Croatia’s entry talks was threatening to scupper the start of negotiations with Turkey. However, the prosecutor now has the satisfaction of being able to show she was right all along.
Some, more thoughtful Croatians will also have reasons to be pleased. First, because Mr Gotovina’s arrest should indeed speed Croatia’s eventually becoming part of the prosperous European heartland. Second, because the diplomatic pressure to assist in his capture has already had beneficial effects on Croatia, in particular by forcing the government to bring the recalcitrant parts of the security services under control.
Two big fish still to catch
With Mr Gotovina on his way to the dock in The Hague, that leaves only six of the UN tribunal’s 161 indictees still at large—all of them Serbs. Of these, the most notorious two are Radovan Karadzic, the Bosnian Serb wartime leader, and General Ratko Mladic, who commanded Bosnian Serb forces during the war of 1992-95. Both of them have been indicted for even more heinous crimes than Mr Gotovina, including the tribunal’s most serious charge, that of genocide.
Both Serbia and Bosnia-Herzegovina recently began negotiating their first steps towards opening EU membership talks. But, like Croatia, they have been told they will not get far until Messrs Karadzic and Mladic are arrested. So will the authorities in Serbia, and the administration in the Serb part of Bosnia, now deliver? Sometimes the Serbs claim that their remaining fugitives are no longer in their territory, as Croatia had insisted—correctly as it turned out—of Mr Gotovina. But there are suspicions that the Serbs’ security services know more about the suspects’ movements than they are letting on. And, unlike in Croatia, the pressure from the EU and the UN tribunal is not yet thought to have forced the Serbs to bring their security men fully under civilian control. Until this happens, and the remaining fugitives are in The Hague standing trial, the Serbs will remain out in the cold. December 04 History in briefJan 29th 2004 From Economist.com
China took shape as a political entity in the first millennium BC, and until the 20th century largely remained a coherent empire governed by scholar-officials after the Confucian vision of a meritocratic, ordered society. Even foreign conquerors like the Mongols (1279) and Manchus (1644) did not change the essential character of Chinese society, and became partly Sinicised themselves. The attitude towards outsiders was primarily one of condescension.
Europeans began coming to China in the 16th century: first Jesuit priests, then enterprising traders and diplomats, who in time overpowered the conservative empire. Britain’s victory in two Opium Wars (1839–42 and 1856–60) forced China to accept open ports, foreign envoys, free movement for Christian missionaries and a British hold on Hong Kong. This foreign presence exposed China to Western ideas, and in 1912, the last Chinese dynasty, the Qing, fell to the nationalists under the charismatic leadership of Sun Yat-sen.
Sun was ousted very shortly after 1912, and in the absence of a strong central government the country split into informal fiefdoms led by warlords. Chiang Kai-shek, one of Sun’s former lieutenants (and husband of one of Sun’s sisters-in-law), joined with the nascent Chinese Communist Party (CCP) to defeat the warlords and reunify the country. Chiang turned on the communists in 1927, but failed in his efforts to root them out. He was forced to ally with them again against the Japanese, with whom full-fledged war broke out in 1937. After Mao Zedong and his communist forces played a big role in defeating the invaders, he then turned on Chiang in 1946.
In 1949 the communists forced Chiang and his followers to flee to Taiwan, declared the People’s Republic, and spent the next year solidifying their hold on the mainland. After several years of relatively consensual leadership, Mao grew as tyrannical as any emperor had been, and many of his grand policies backfired. The Great Leap Forward’s experiment with industrial and agricultural collectives in 1958–60 led to mass famine, and the attempt to re-ignite revolutionary fervour through the Cultural Revolution of 1966–76 drove the country into political and social chaos. By the time Mao died in 1976, the CCP was ready for new ideas. Deng Xiaoping, his successor, dismantled collective farming and began gradually freeing China’s economy. But as the bloody suppression of student-led demonstrations in Tiananmen Square in 1989 showed, the Party has embraced economic change more easily than political liberalisation.
(For recent developments in China, see our backgrounders on China's politics and China's economy.)
看了下面的文章，我被一种充溢在胸间的感动沉浸着，感觉不到有泪水在脸上，只有一种永久的刻骨的纪念和鼓舞在心间不断地敲击叩响。
一段时间以来，已经沉湎于一种接近小资的生活，而且彻底相信了理想的不现实性。
也许是来到大学之后就不再读书，而BBS上的文章都是一群如我一样无聊而麻木的人打发时光的工具而已，青春如此廉价，即便是在燕园，又如何。
有人可以堕落，而有人不行，因为要对得起上天赐予的才华和别人为你付出的代价。
要对得起爱着你的人们的深沉的期望。
你注定辛苦，一如你注定辉煌。
凤凰卫视：邓稼先夫人访谈
许鹿希：我在58年8月那一天，就是我们一点预感都没有。由钱三强先生把邓稼先叫
去了，那时候钱三强是叫做核工业部的副部长兼原子能所的所长。那时候他叫去他就给邓
稼先说，他说国家要放个大炮仗，调你去做这个工作怎么样？这个国家要放个大炮仗你说
这炮仗得多大，邓稼先马上就明白了这是要放原子弹，对吧，调他去做原子弹，他当时回
答就说，我能行吗？那个钱先生就实际上他们已经决定了，这里调令呀，不是说征求你个
人意见。后来他服从调动。
[ 1958年八月，时任中国科学院原子能所研究员的邓稼先突然接到命令，要其参加核
试验，邓稼先又是兴奋又是紧张，与许鹿希匆匆一别，在荒凉的大漠上开始了中国的核试
验，当时苏联、美国、法国相继宣布拥有核武器，而中国想要在世界之林立一席之地，不
受外强凌辱，建造字的核武器是当务之急，而此时，独守家中的许鹿希除了思念就是每日
惴惴不安的担心。]
许鹿希：那天晚上回家以后，他也一夜没睡，我也一夜没睡。
主持人：他怎么跟您说，他也不能跟您说什么是吗？
许鹿希：他不能跟我说做什么，他就跟我说，他要调动工作，我说问他调哪去，他说
这不能说，做什么工作他不能说。我说你给我一个信箱的号码，我跟你通信，他说这不行
，反正弄的我当时很。。。，我当时30岁，他当时34岁，我当时我孩子很小对吧，因为我
不知道他干什么去，可是他态度很坚决，他说我如果，就是做好这件事，我这一生就活的
很有价值。他这么说以后，我当时就感觉到他已经下决心了，后来他突然说一句，就是为
它死了也值得，他说这话以后，后来我就哭了，我说你干吗去，做什么事情要这么样子，
下这个决心。当然那个时候我不知道，后来过了一些时候我知道了，这个工作，当然后来
从此以后，就是一干就28年。
主持人：当时您完全没猜到是原子弹，那时候您一点都没猜到。
许鹿希：我为什么一点都没猜到，当时国家太苦了，当时我们连汽车也造不了飞机也
造不，你知道抗美援朝，你看过《聂帅回忆录》，就是抗美援朝的时候，所有的飞机是从
苏联买，对吧，喀秋莎大炮也是买的苏联的对吧，什么武器都是人家的，咱们自己什么也
造不了。那个时候再用什么小米加步枪那根本是不可能的，这个就是后来我才知道，就是
在抗美援朝的时候，美国已经把原子弹运到的冲绳岛，如果板门店谈判再失败的话，咱们
当时就要吃，就要扔原子弹了，他不过就欺负咱们没有。那个是谁，英国的撒切尔首相说
一句话，但凡你中国有一颗原子弹，人家也不敢惹你。对，就是这样，实力嘛。所以这样
的话，这个转折是非常突然的。
主持人：一夜之间。
许鹿希：一夜之间，后来我看邓稼先这么坚决，他说他后来就说了几句，他说家里事
情他都管不了了，一切都托给我了，我回答他一句，我说我支持你。
主持人：许鹿希老人对我说，很多人都问过她，为什么能够忍受和丈夫分离长达28年
的时。她说是因为她不仅见过洋人，还见过洋鬼子，不仅见过飞机，还见过敌人的飞机在
空中盘旋轰炸自己的家园；不仅捱过饿，还被敌人的炮火逼着躲进防空洞忍饥捱冻。她说
因为有了经历，使她能够理解邓稼先，理解他因为要造原子弹而和自己分离28年之久。
许鹿希：也不是说28年他完全一天都不回，也有中间回来，就是他到这个工作因为它
保密性质太强了，而且他那个所谓的当时规则也是非常的严厉，就是不许接触这个不许接
触那个，然后甚至我北京医科大学我的同事不能到我家里，免得出事。另外就是嘱咐我说
，不要向北医的领导，就是每个人不是要说明你家里丈夫干什么，这些都不能说，领导要
问的话，你就说做保密工作，真正北医领导知道我丈夫是干什么事，是在追悼会的报纸上
。
主持人：当时邓先生偶尔回来，您怎么跟他聊天呢，总要问一问最近的工作又不能说，但
是很多又不能说，那说什么呢？工作完全碰都不能碰。
许鹿希：一点都不能聊天，他们的规矩是片纸只字不能往回家带，不能带出来。至于
他突然回来和突然走，什么时候回来我根本不知道，什么时候走的话，一个电话马上汽车
就在地下等，警卫员一上来就马上就走了。我们中国的核试验一共做了45次，第一次的成
功是1964年10月16，15点就是下午三点第一颗原子弹爆炸成功，我们最后一次呢，第45次
核试验呢是在1996年，7月29日。
主持人：在签定协议之前的一天吧，等于是。
许鹿希：1996年7月29号做最后一次核试，为什么挑这个日子呢，因为邓稼先逝世是
在1986年的7月29号，在邓稼先逝世的十周年这一天。在邓稼先逝世十周年的这一天，做
最后一次核试验，做完以后的话，马上第二天，就是在各个报纸上都有中华人民共和国政
府授
命，就从此以后我们中国暂停核试验。这就表明我们中国已经达到了跟其他核大国完全一
样的水平，我们已经有了原子弹，有一个氢弹，有了中子弹，有了小型化，有了在实验室
模拟这个高度。
主持人：这45次实验邓先生领导了多少次。
许鹿希：他生前，生前一共有32次，32次里头有15次是他亲自在现场指挥，其他的不
是每次都是他亲自指挥，可是因为他后来是做核武器研究院的院长，就是他前面虽然做核
武器研究院的副院长，可是院长是党委书记，他是主要的业务负责任，就我们国家在一个
原子弹氢弹做成以后要有一个专家签字，向国家签等于向国家保证，这个弹做行了，你可
以放了。这个签字是邓稼先去签，签完这字邓稼先说非常紧张，就恨不得，好比就把脑袋
别在裤腰带上，就是万一不行就不得了，可是每次都行了，每次都行了所以人家给邓稼先
一个外号嘛，说邓稼先是福将，这福将可真太难了。
主持人：这种压力一般人没法想象。
许鹿希：没错，所以曾经有人问我，说是在第一次原子弹成功以后，那天晚上北京城
里头，买号外呀，就是因为当时虽然是下午三点钟，就爆炸成功的，当时那个总指挥在罗
布泊的总指挥室张爱萍将军，是吧，他给这边的中南海这边打电话，就是周恩来总理跟聂
荣臻元帅守着这边电话，他打电话过来说成功了，可是周总理汇报给毛主席以后，毛泽东
主席提了一个建议，他说，先压一下，等日本等外国的反映，因为这个灰，就是这个很快
到边去，他们马上上飞机去抓，一抓以后日本人先报道，说中国爆炸了原子弹，等他们报
完以后，我们的判断结果一切都出来，肯定是核爆炸，因为要不是核爆炸要报错就不得了
是吧，所以晚上十点种的时候，新闻广播才广播的，所以十点以后，就满街都是号外，所
以有很多人，我说你是不是拿的套红的号外，就又跳又蹦高兴的不得了。
主持人：您知道吗？那个时候。
许鹿希：那时候我已经知道他干什么事，那个像电视上，还有那时候电影上拍的，就
是好多人在满街上高兴的不得了跳啊蹦，问许鹿希你是不是也这么干，也是跳的蹦的恨不
得都高兴起。我说不是，我说这话，可能要扫别人兴了，我说我们提到这的心放下去了。
主持人：知道了邓稼先和许鹿希的故事以，我问过身边很多人，如果有这样一份工作
需要你去做，但条件是你必须和爱人分开28年的时间，你会不会接受。大家的反应是没办
法想象，而当许鹿希老人回忆起让很多人都无法想象的28年的生活时，他的语气当中没有
一丝一毫的抱怨，她的平静和坦然让人感动。
许鹿希：我曾经吹牛嘛，我说邓稼先你甭干了，你回来以后，你啥事都甭干，我许鹿
希养活你全家，对吧，我能够做，我那时候是毕业以后就留在北医做教员的，从助教，讲
师，副教授，教授博士生导师什么，这样一趟走上来，另外我还曾经做过北医的基础医学
研究所的副所长啊，什么教研室主任呀，做这些事情。你可以知道我完全靠我自己的力量
靠我自己的工资，我养活你们全家都没问题。所以我曾经非常希望他回来，他说回来干吗
，我说你啥事甭干，我养活。
主持人：当时孩子们呢，孩子们会不会问，爸爸在哪，在干什么，您怎么回答呢？
许鹿希：孩子非常懂事。
主持人：他们也知道爸爸在干一个非常机密的工作。
许鹿希：对，孩子非常懂事。我的孩子们也是采取了跟我们一样的态度，一切靠自己
主持人：我有一点不太懂，就是在这个整个的研究原子弹这个过程当中，日常的工作当中
有没有可能受到核辐射的这个危险。
许鹿希：很多事情是你原先设计了以后，你不知道它会那么大，那时候你说不受到辐
射不可能。
主持人：所以邓先生在接受这个工作的时，他不仅要下决心，我要离开家庭很长时间
，我的工作，我的成绩再大，功劳再大，别人不可能知道，我要一辈子做无名英雄，同时
我要做好牺牲的准备。
许鹿希：他完全懂，最重要的一次是，对他影响最大的一次是我们中国曾经有一次核
试验，核弹头是很好的，只是那个什么降落伞没有打开。
主持人：是从空中掉下来了，是吗？
许鹿希：对，曾经有过这么一次事情。就是文革非常乱，降落伞呢是（三机部）做降
落伞，它那个降落伞曾经有几次打不开，周恩来总理和几个老帅就说过，说是这个降落伞
是个大问题，一定要保证降落伞能打开，可是恰巧就有一次，飞机扔出来这个氢弹呢，就
从最高的高空，因为现在这高空到底高到什么程度，这个数字是保密的，从最高的高空一
直就掉下来了，就直接摔到地面，就给摔碎了。这个你想，这么掉下来的，和那个用降落
伞那么样的弄的爆心，这个就距离很远对吧，后来当时就非常着急了，就是派一百多军队
去找，没找着，没找着，可是这次的弹，签字是邓稼先签的，邓稼先签字就表明说向国家
保证这个弹是成功的。他决定他自己亲自去找，陪他一块去是当时（二机部）的副部长，
就是核工业部的副部长，叫赵敬璞，赵部长。他们俩一块上吉普车去，这时候那基地的那
个领导就说，说老邓你不能走，你不能去，说你的命比我的值钱。这基地这个领导，他叫
陈彬，他说的话是非常感动的。他不让邓稼先去，可是邓稼先当时不可能不去，因为当时
不知道这个弹到底哪去了，也不知道这个弹是什么情况，如果这个弹是核爆炸的话，那就
干了，在广岛什么样，长崎是什么样，你可以看到画面是吧，在中国国土上，不能自己在
中国自己国土上干这么一下，对不对，邓稼先就决定还是上了吉普车走，那个戈壁滩上是
，戈壁滩不是沙漠对吧，戈壁滩是大大的小石头，大石头小石头，大石头跟篮球那么大，
小石头就是，就是大小石头块，那个吉普车就在那个戈壁滩到处跑，一下子邓稼先就看见
了，因为是他们自己做的，他说就在那。后来是赵经敬璞副部长告诉我，他说大概摔碎的
那个范围呀，像半个足球场那么大，就是整个弹都摔碎了，邓稼先一看它就在那，他就让
司机停下，然后他就喝斥，他当时也不太礼貌，他就喝斥这个赵敬璞副部长，他说你们都
给我站住，你们进去没用，就把他们都喝斥在那个边上，然后他自己进去了。
主持人：他知道很危险吗？
许鹿希：可他那时候他已经顾不上了，好像我觉得那时候，有人说那时候他是傻子，
我也说不出来他是什么人，是傻子还是，反正他一切都根本想不到自己了，他完全懂钚2
3 9是怎么个毒性，铀235是怎么个毒性，是吧，完全懂，可到那个时候他就进去以后他找
到
那个碎的弹片的时候，他就最糟糕就是他拿手捧了一下，捧起来一看，马上他就放松了他
是平安无事。85年那次检查，就是到301医院去检查出来得了直肠癌是吧，医生说你怎么
这会儿才来，他也没有想到，他觉得这会儿才来，他都回答不出来，为什么这会儿才来，
根
本没有想到这些事情，后来当然那时候张爱萍将军非常的关心，一直守在手术室外头，一
直是从头到尾的关心这个治疗的方案什么，可是等到手术结果出来以后，我当时已经是医
学院的医学教授了，这个科学上面这些事情很多都是很残酷的，科学上面把你真实的情况
给你摆下来的话非常残酷，当时我就知道没救了，顶多一年，就是在1986年的6月，那个
时候中央军委的领导就决定对邓稼先解密，解密的意思就是在86年6月24号那一天，解放
军报，还有人民日报都是大登，大版的文章题目就是《两弹元勋邓稼先》，马上就把邓稼
先和原子弹氢弹所有的关系全部就登出来了。这一天拿到这个报纸，也是怎么说呢，有的
人就拿着报纸，摇着这报纸说许老师，许老师，许教授，许教授您看看邓稼先上报了，一
边跑一边挥着过来，可是等到跑到我们面前的时候，看见我们家里人都在掉眼泪。这一天
也是，一些
比较懂事的，比较年纪大一些的亲戚朋友，就从各地方打电话过来，说邓稼先怎么了，说
一个人20多年来都非常的隐姓埋名一点都不知道他干什么，现在在报上突然一下，把他跟
造原子弹和造氢弹的事情全部都宣布出来，他说这人还在世不在世。这就是我们当时的真
实的情况就是这样。
[在1985年张爱平将军亲自敦促邓稼先去看病，结果查出是晚期直肠癌，张爱平立即
命令邓稼先住院接受治疗，从1985年七月三十一日到1986年七月二十九号，是许鹿希与邓
稼先相处的最后的日子，结婚三十三年，在一起生活只有六年，在最后的一年里，许鹿希
心
里五味杂陈，思念的终结竟是永别，邓稼先离开他已经有十六年了，但家中的陈设一如既
往，许鹿希将丈夫的用具都标上了年代，使用日期，连邓稼先坐过的沙发上的毛巾都没换
过，看着老人摩挲着那些用具，不尽让人涕叹，十年生死两茫茫，不思量，自难忘……]
主持人：这16年有这些零碎小事可以去回忆的话，你会觉得邓先生还是还在。
许鹿希：可能，他这个有很多事情让人觉得他，这样也做对了，也如果说是他，如果
再有轮回，人生有轮回，他还会这么做。
主持人：你也还会再支持他。
许鹿希：虽然是非常苦，可这么做是很值得。
主持人：谢谢您许老师，谢谢您。
主持人：和许老聊天的时候，她总是习惯性的问我，这个人你是不是听说过，那件事
你是不是了解，在老人看来，她说到的很多人，很多事都不是我们这代人所熟悉所了解的
，我总觉得许老还生活在1986年以前的时空当中，在她的世界里邓稼先并没有离开。
忽报人间曾伏虎 泪飞顿作倾盆雨
1964 年10月16 日，我国自行开发研制的原子弹在当日下午三时许成功试爆，冲天的
蘑菇云，使全国人民为之振奋，当时的号外有着醒目的标题：我国第一颗原子弹爆炸成功
！正当全国人民欢欣鼓舞的时候，思念着丈夫的许鹿希才在家中缓缓地舒了口气，放下了
悬了已久的心。
邓稼先他们，是一代人完成了别国五代科学家的任务，一口气从原子弹干到中子弹，
到氢弹，到电脑模拟的核极限的。中国的国力，尤其经过“文革”，如果再分代的话，根
本就没有时间达到现在这样的国防水平了。
邓稼先是知道很快就要“世界性禁核”的。如果中国不能抢在这个时间内完成核极限
实验，那么就会“被禁”，而不能成为“大国”。所以，邓稼先一直在抢时间，他忘了自
己生命的时间，忘了其他一切的时间，惟要中国脱离挨打受欺的时间。
我国是在邓稼先逝世十周年那天爆炸了最后一颗原子弹，然后在次日宣布参加禁核的
。
在邓家，我看到了张爱萍在一块素布上题写的“两弹元勋邓稼先”。元勋”的意思，
是说对中国成为当代大国有功，而不仅仅是“军功”。
有一天，许德珩问严济慈：“谁为中国造出的原子弹？”严哈哈大笑，说：“你去问
你的女婿吧”。
在一次爆炸失败后，几个单位在推卸责任。为了找到真正的原因，必须有人到 那颗
原子弹被摔碎的地方去，找回一些重要的部件。邓稼先说：“谁也别去，我进去吧。你
们 去了也找不到，白受污染。我做的，我知道。”他一个人走进了那片地区，那片意味
着死
亡之地。他很快找到了核弹头，用手把他捧着，走了出来。最后证明是降落伞的问题。
就是这一次，伏下了他死于射线之下的死因。
许鹿希说：“有位年轻的导演，要拍邓稼先，要一幢别墅，两队警卫。我说，邓稼先不是
那样的。”她说：“我此生就住在这里了。这才是邓稼先生前住的房子。这两个沙发是杨
振宁来看邓稼先的时候坐的。他们两人就这样一人一个，坐在这儿谈话。”
当年为了欢迎杨振宁来，夫妇俩上街挑了一个床单，是单色的“十大建筑”。
邓稼先喜欢这一个，就决定买了。
桌子就是邓稼先回来工作的桌子。那封信就是在这写的。
那封信是一封让杨振宁喜极而泣的信。
杨振宁在美国听美国人说：中国人的原子弹是由美国科学家参与做成的。他到了国内
，很想问邓稼先，但是没有启口。直到上飞机时，他问：“有没有美国人？”
邓稼先迟疑了一下，说：“你先走吧。”
邓稼先回家立即请示周总理。周总理说：“把实情告诉他。”
邓稼先就是在这张桌子上写了一封信，送信的人就等在桌边，立即拿了上飞机。到了
上海赶到给杨振宁的送别宴上，亲手交给他。杨振宁当场打开，未看毕，立即泪流满面。
“忽报人间曾伏虎，泪飞顿作倾盆雨。”杨振宁立刻到洗手间去了。作为一位位宴席
的主宾，突然地泪流满面，人们的惊讶可想而知。
我与杨博士亦曾有过对面谈话与一次来信的交往。以杨的应变能力，可达外交家与政
治家水平。他风度傲然，气势逼人，令人很难看到内里。
他流泪了。他当年在云南，后来在海外盼望过的强国梦，被他的同学实现了。这是他
的祖国。中国人再不必有屈身向外之感了。他的泪水流在中国。
看见邓稼先在去世前，嘴角出血与杨振宁合影的照片，我感到他是一种壮志已酬，得
其所哉的欣慰。夫人许鹿希说，那时他已是全身大出血，擦也擦不干，止也止不住了。高
强射线导致的不治之症。这是在他手捧核弹头走出放射区时，就心里明白的。
另一张照片，是邓稼先有一次开会在西湖，他拉着同仁在“精忠报国”那四个古意盎
然的字前照了一张相片。许鹿希说，邓不爱照相，但这张照片是他自己要照的。
当初随邓稼先一起搞原子弹的科学家，有些中途而退了。因为“没有科研成果，不能
家庭团聚，不许亲友通信”。作为知识分子和普通人的生活、乐趣、权益，是必须牺牲掉
的了。
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December 03
IT WAS, insisted a top provincial official, a white lie. But government attempts to suppress news of an 80km (50 mile) toxic chemical slick creeping along a big river in north-eastern China have unleashed a torrent of criticism by the country's normally reticent media. No cases of poisoning have yet emerged, but the dangers of a bureaucracy steeped in a culture of secretiveness and divided by internal rivalries have been glaringly exposed.
the entire thing as i knew
the cut of daily water supply was first told by my sister ling to me when we sent text messages to each other one night. At that time this order had not been taken into executive yet.and i didn't worry about it at all, as when i was at home, we had come across several times of accidents like this, and not that serious.
but the next day, on my way to a shopping mall i received a text message from a sissy classmate in hign school, who was now in another city, saying there was gonna be an earthquake in harbin, and that was the main cause of the cut of water supply.
i was really astonished, and shocked. Tears burst out immediately. thinking about my beloved families facing the danger of deaths while i myself trapped in a peaceful campus ,could do nothing helpful. i just felt despairing and only wanted to fly home, to be together with them.
i called daddy. hearing his voise, i felt much better.
he and mommy told me that the earthquake thing was nothing but a gossip, and suggested me to see the true situation on net. till then my suspended heart returned to its right position.
four days later, my parents sent text message to me informing the recovery of water supply in Harbin. IT IS never easy to deal with an emerging superpower. China may not justify that moniker quite yet, and perhaps it never will. But its rapid economic growth, its huge population, its demand for resources and its energetic diplomacy are posing delicate questions for politicians around the globe.…
i do want to read more and more, but the payment frustrated me...... October 08 Actually I couldn't tell whether one is a freshman or not just from his appearance, as some of them look even more matural than us in dressing, but obviously anyone who has undergone such a year in PKU shall not keep unchanged. I'd rather call it a leap from a first year tomato to a second year ripe apple.
By my own experiences, I want to illustrate my judgement, to whether one is a freshman or not.
the first time i came here, architectures on campus really dismayed me, i do not mean that they sucked, but not as good as i thought.
a year later, now every time i take notice on them, i would think they are pretty good, maybe because my eyes are accustomed to them, or maybe i just lowed my expectation. it was really naive for me a year ago to regard PKU as heaven with every perspect perfect, anyway, i choose here not because it has no disadvantages, but it's comparatively well. i love here not because it's perfect, but because i am now spending my precious youth here.
when i was a freshman, i thought everyone here is either a genius or a leader, me included, a year later, i found us no more than normal persons, with a little talent and luck.
when i first came here, i was rather moody, with feelings jumped from wave crest to wave trough, some little things could make me quite proud or totally frustrated.now i took things easily, awsome guys have kept showing up during the entire year, and i feel quite accustomed to feeling inferior. but, just in some respects. a year has passed, i wouldn't lose my confidence any more.
October 07 there is no festival in science, some philosophers regarded various festivals as excuses for carnival things.
What we need is an outlet to release pressures in daily work and to enjoy our lives freely .how to spend a festival ,home or abroad, is more a personal choice than a social duty. so if one is compelled to do what he doesn't like to cater to some customs, the festival shall have lost its original meaning.
but two points should be concerned when one decide how to spend his festival.
first, the feelings of your beloved persons, for instance, your parents,who may have longed for this reunion eagerly, who may have turned over the calendar in order to find this special day on which you may come back, so it's rather difficult to dismay them. Or your spouse who quite value this day off to have a kinda" honeymoon".
the other is the festival atmosphere which could float around you ,like the baloons flying over the sky, or the smell from each kitchen, the countless topics on it brought forward, even the exaggerated "on sale" advertisement in every shopping-plaza. when you walk on the street, all the familiar things seem to be heralds of the coming festival, so it's really difficult to escape from such atmosphere, but to enjoy like others.
spending festivals outside has nothing dealt with laws or morals, if your work is rather busy, if the way home is rather long, if your relatives don't care, there's no need to think so much about the traditional festivals.
Here I get my conclusion ,you may choose, but you should be concerned about more.
September 12 Thanks for helping me build this space.  我和你奶奶今天去江北太阳岛。最好玩的是松鼠园，100多小松鼠真好玩，你给他瓜子一边吃一边掩埋在草棵里！爷爷 WELL, GRANDPA,I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
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